Cause And Effect
by Leiria
Summary: One thing happens and it changes everything else. Rated M for sexual content and Slash. Mildly AU


**I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it.**

**AN: This was written before I finsed reading Book 6 (HBP) It's not really cannon.**

**Cuase And Effect**

Sirius sighed and tapped the tip of his quill on the page of his book. O.W.L.s were horrible, he decided. All the studying led to less time for pranks and that meant that he was rather grouchy.

He leaned his chair back on two legs and stared up at the library ceiling.

"Two more days, Sirius, you can hold out that long."

Sirius glared at James. "Merlin, what I wouldn't give to—" Sirius' eyes narrowed upon seeing a certain someone enter the library. His lip curled into a sadistic smile. "Snivellus," he said with a predatory note to his voice.

"Okay, Bloodhound," James said. "Either become a dog, or drop the traits, simple as that."

"Can't I be both?" Sirius asked, looking away from Snape as the Slytherin sat down at a deserted table.

"You already are," Remus said, looking up from his book. "James is trying to tell you to quit being a bitch."

"You're just jealous," Sirius said.

Remus burst into laughter. "Of what?" he asked. "Of Severus getting all your attention?"

"You know, it's one thing to be a bully, but it's something else entirely when you force your prey to do the things you've made Snivellus do," James said thoughtfully. "You know, he may begin to suspect that you're gay."

Sirius glared at James. "Say that any louder and I'm going to be forced to resort to drastic measures."

"Sorry," James mumbled. "Didn't mean to trod on your precious sexuality. You really don't know what your missing by not chasing skirts, mate," he said.

"You're the one who doesn't know what he's missing," Sirius said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"That would depend on the point of view," Remus said softly. "As for me, I could have sworn that there was more to life than just sex. What do you think Peter?"

"Huh?" Peter asked, looking up from his book. "What do I think about what?"

"Men, women, and sex," James answered. "That's where the conversation has gone."

"I agree with Moony."

"You don't even know what Moony said!" Sirius whispered.

"It's safe to agree with Moony," Peter replied. "That way I don't have to listen to you two argue over who's right and who's wrong. And in this case, I'm betting Moony had something intelligent to say and you two are thinking with something other than your heads."

"Well said," Remus said, looking up from his book and reaching across the table to shake Peter's hand. Peter chuckled and accepted the hand.

"What is it with you two always ganging up on us?" Sirius asked. "I thought we were better friends than that."

"You're always fighting and we're staying out," Remus said. "Now be careful, or I may just have to go Prefect on your asses."

"You might want to be careful with Sirius' ass, Moony," James said. "He might like it too much."

"Alright, that's it," Sirius said, standing. "Outside, you."

"Oh, Sirius, I'm touched that you would think of me that way, but—whoa!"

Sirius had pulled James up by the collar of his robes and was in the process of dragging him outside.

"You little bastard," he said under his breath, shoving James against a tree. James chuckled.

"Sorry," he said, smirking. "But you should have seen the way you were looking at Snape."

"The way I was looking at Snape?" Sirius repeated. "James, you _know_ that was just a childhood thing—experimentation! There's nothing there!"

James sighed and tucked some of the long hair behind Sirius' ear. "I know," he sighed. "But…sometimes I just can't help but think that the reason you're so mean to him is because there's still some feelings deep down inside. And I guess…" James sighed again.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"I'm jealous," James confessed.

Sirius ran his hand through James' hair. He slowly brought his lips to James' and James readily accepted the kiss, opening his mouth for Sirius' tongue to slip through.

"There's nothing to be jealous of," Sirius murmured against James' lips. "I swear."

James sighed and closed his eyes. "I know," he said softly. "I know."

Sirius stepped back, releasing his hold on James. James stepped away from the tree, looking at Sirius confused.

"We should head back," Sirius said. "Before Moony and Wormtail suspect something."

"That's assuming that they already don't," James said with a slight chuckle. "Don't forget, they were smart enough to figure you out."

Sirius sighed and nodded. "However, I had absolutely no one in my life when they figured it out, and you've had this crush on Evans for the last three years and you're not shy about letting people know. Hell, if anyone has a reason to be jealous, it's me, not you."

"Again, you didn't see your face when Snape walked into the library."

"I'll make it up to you tonight."

Remus and Peter came walking out of the library as James and Sirius neared it. "So you're both in one piece then," Remus said, walking up to them. "We were just about to come after you to see if we needed to send someone to Pomfrey."

Sirius chuckled. "Did you honestly think I could kill my own brother?" he asked.

"No," Remus said simply. "But I do believe you would cause him bodily harm."

"Depends on my mood," Sirius said simply. He winked at James—something he hoped neither of the other two noticed.

***

Severus had a window seat in the library and had thus seen the entire scene between Potter and Black. He had watched with narrowed eyes and clenched fist when he saw them kiss. He had wanted to throw something—anything—to make the pain go away.

Black wasn't supposed to go to some goody-goody Gryffindor, he was supposed to stay with the man who had started it all—Severus. It wasn't fair! He had been in love with Black and had told him as much. Then to see him at school like this. It was enough to make a Snape's blood boil.

Severus decided, in that moment, that he would do whatever it took to get Sirius back.

***

That night, Sirius felt someone gently shaking his shoulder. He opened a blurry eye to see James standing next to his bed. Well, James' head, anyway. He was obviously wearing his Invisibility Cloak.

"Come on," James whispered.

Sirius got out of bed and the two of them snuck out of the dormitory.

Remus looked up as the dormitory door closed. He shook his head and went back to sleep. When would they come out?

Sirius and James snuck into the Room of Requirement and locked the door behind them. Sirius, who was now wide-awake, pulled his shirt over his head as James tossed the cloak aside. The two of them began kissing and eventually fell onto the bed in the center of the room. They laughed, neither one afraid of waking anyone up any more.

Smiling, Sirius began to place kisses along James' neck. He pushed James' nightshirt up and began to kiss the Chaser's chest. James moaned and Sirius helped him pull the shirt off.

Tossing the shirt aside, James pushed Sirius onto his back and returned the favor, causing Sirius cry out when James' tongue passed over his nipple. James ran his hands over Sirius' chest before he captured the other teen's mouth in his.

Sirius rolled over again, reclaiming his thrown, and slipped his hand in James' pants. James broke the kiss and cried out when Sirius began stroking him.

Sirius abandoned that so that they could both shed the rest of their clothing.

James cried out again when Sirius entered him. He bit his lip as Sirius pulled out and gasped when he thrust again. Soon the pain was lost and all there was were the two of them. The world seemed to fall away and nothing else mattered. There were no jealousies, no other people, nothing but two best friends who had become lovers after a night of confession.

"I love you!" James cried as he came.

***

Remus looked up as the two of them entered the room the next morning. He chuckled, seeing that James was a bit unsteady on his feet. Sirius guided James to his bed before he acknowledged Remus' alertness.

"Rough night?" Remus asked.

James froze, having not noticed that Remus had been awake before then.

Sirius chuckled. "This is awkward," he said.

"I've known for a while," Remus said simply. "You don't need to hide it."

"You've known?" James asked, shocked. "How?"

Remus chuckled. "The way you two have been acting lately. I'm guessing that this happened over the holidays?"

Sirius nodded and walked to his bed.

"We know Sirius is gay," Remus said softly, as to not wake Peter, "but what are you, James? Is Lily just a cover?"

James winced as he lay back on his bed. "No," he answered. "She's not a cover. I'm bisexual."

"And how do you feel about this Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Why so interested?" came the gay man's response.

"Curiosity," Remus answered. "That's it."

"Curiosity killed the cat," Sirius said, lying down.

"And satisfaction brought it back," Remus replied. "Besides, I'm a werewolf, not a cat."

"Can we talk later?" Sirius asked, his eyelids feeling heavy. A quiet snore alerted him to the fact that James had already fallen asleep.

Remus shrugged. "I don't care," he said. "Just don't sneak out again," he said. "Next time I'm going to have to take House points."

***

Sirius was browsing through the rows of books in the library not thinking about what he was looking for. He kept hearing James' voice saying that he loved him. Over and over, he heard those three words in his mind.

He sighed and closed his eyes. How had it gotten so far? How could he have let it go so far? They had promised each other that it would never get this intense. Not after Severus.

Sirius sighed again.

"Something wrong, Black?" a cold voice drawled. Sirius looked up quickly and turned only to see Severus standing in the aisle.

"What do you want?" Sirius demanded coldly.

"I want you to stop," Severus said softly. "Leave me alone. Especially since we…."

"_We_ nothing," Sirius said strongly. "It was fun while it lasted, Snivellus."

"He told you he loved you, didn't he," Severus said softly. "I can see it in your eyes. You've got the same look now as you did when I said it. Merlin, you really are a dog. You make people fall in love with you, you take away the last of their innocence and then you break their hearts and move on to a new victim. So how many hearts have you broken now, Black? Twenty? Thirty? More?"

"For your information, _Severus_, I've slept with a grand total of _two_ people."

"That's one more than me."

Severus turned around and walked away, leaving Sirius to stare after him in shock. If what he said is true, than Severus had not only been the first for Sirius, but Sirius had been the first for him.

_You never forget your first love…._

Sirius shook his head, trying to get Andromeda's voice out of his mind.

_You always love them…._

Sirius shook his head again and looked up at the books he was standing in front of. He found the book he had originally intended on finding before he'd lost himself to his thoughts, and returned to his friends.

"We were beginning to wonder if you'd gotten lost," James said, smiling as Sirius sat down.

Wordlessly, Sirius opened his book and began reading.

Severus smirked from his spot near the bookshelves. He had shaken Sirius up enough for him to ignore his boyfriend. Perfect.

A day later, however, Severus would live to regret confronting Sirius.

The events that had unfolded after their Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. had left Sirius torn. James had, yet again, proven how much he wanted Evans, and Severus had proven, yet again, just how little he could be trusted. Sirius was torn between his best friend, and his first love.

***

We're going to the Snapes again," Sirius' mother said as soon as he and his younger brother stepped into the house for the summer holidays. "You're both expected to go."

"Come on, mum," Regulus cried. "Don't make me go, I don't want to be forced to listen to Sirius and Severus fucking again."

Sirius glared at his brother and began to drag his trunk up the dark staircase to his bedroom.

Once there, he slammed the door shut and threw himself, face first, on his bed. In less than a week he would be face-to-face with Severus once more.

What would happen?

Severus watched as the Black family tumbled through his fireplace.

"Welcome," he said once they were all standing once more. "Dinner is at six, so you'll have plenty of time to unpack your things. Shall I remind you where your rooms are?" he asked.

"No, I think we can manage," Mrs. Black said, a sinister smile on her lips. She led the way through Snape Manor to the guest rooms. She placed the boys in different rooms and then chose the grandest one for her and her husband.

Severus slipped into Sirius' room while the Gryffindor's back was turned.

"I'm going to get you back for that stunt you pulled after O.W.L.s," he said. "Guess how."

"You're going to break James and I up," Sirius drawled. "Don't bother," he said. "It's a doomed relationship anyway."

"Because he's in love with that Mudblood?"

Sirius whipped around, his wand pointed directly at Severus' throat. "Don't call her that," he ordered.

"When are you going to give in to what you really are?" Severus demanded, taking a step forward so that the tip of Sirius' wand was pressed against his neck. "You're not a Gryffindor, you're a Slytherin. Look at you. You're the poster child for our House. You don't belong with those good for nothing lions; you belong with us. We're the only ones who really know you, Sirius. We're the only ones you can trust."

"I believe it was you who said that trusting people only led to heartache," Sirius said, lowering his wand. "So forgive me for not heading your advice."

"That's always been your problem," Severus said coolly. "You never trust the people who wont turn on you."

Sirius barked out a laugh. "You won't turn on me?" he asked, not believing a word.

"Sirius, think," Severus said softly. "You're the one who turned your back on me because of your friends. I have yet to return the favor."

Sirius sighed and sat down on the bed.

He remembered the previous summer when he and Severus had…. Sirius had actually been in love with him. In fact a part of him still was.

"Am I really the only one you've slept with?" Sirius asked softly.

Severus sighed and sat down next to him. "Yes," he answered.

Severus looked at Sirius, trying to figure out what was going on behind his icy blue eyes. Sirius had always possessed a mystery that was irresistible for Severus. Even now, after everything they had been through, after everything Sirius had done to him, Severus still loved the other teen.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said softly.

"What for?" Severus asked.

"For everything I have done and will do to you," he sighed, lying back. Sirius stared up at the ceiling without really seeing it.

"Do you love him?" Severus asked softly.

Sirius sighed heavily. "I don't know."

"Do you remember when you told me that you'd only have sex with someone you loved?"

"You changed my mind on that one," Sirius said. "Afterward, I mean."

Severus looked down at Sirius confused. "After?" he asked. "You mean…"

Sirius nodded. "I loved you."

Severus sat frozen.

Sirius chuckled.

"What?" Severus asked.

"If they could see me now," Sirius muttered. "They'd freak. James would yell at me, probably break up with me saying 'I told you so,' and the other two would be frozen in shock. None of them would expect this."

"Potter knows then?"

"He knows we experimented, but he doesn't know how far we actually went. He thinks it was just a childhood thing. Pre-Hogwarts."

"You're lying to him?" Severus asked.

Sirius sighed and nodded. "I am," he said. "I just…I don't want him to know," Sirius said. "Don't tell him, please."

Severus sighed. "As long as you behave, I'll keep my mouth shut," he said. "But as soon as you fuck up, I'm telling Potter everything."

Sirius nodded. "Whatever," he sighed. "I don't care anymore."

Severus gave into his desires and lay on top of Sirius. Encouraged by Sirius' lack of protest, Severus pressed his lips against Sirius'. Sirius readily accepted the kiss.

"BOYS!" shouted the voice of Severus' father. "DINNER!"

Sirius moved to get up, but Severus held him down. "After dinner," he said, "come to my room. If you don't, I'll come to yours."

Sirius nodded. "Fine," he said. "Now get off of me before your dad kills me."

Severus smirked, then quickly kissed Sirius once again.

***

That night, once he was sure everyone was asleep, Sirius slipped out of his room at Snape Manor and crept down the hall.

When he reached Severus' room, Sirius knocked lightly on the door.

Severus made him wait for a full five minutes before he opened it. He smirked when he opened it, the light from his room flooding the hallway.

"I knew you'd be here."

"I don't even know why I am," Sirius smirked. "You'd best make it worth my while."

Severus chuckled and grabbed the front of Sirius' shirt, pulling him into the room. "Don't worry," he said shutting the door and pressing Sirius against it, "I will," he breathed on Sirius' neck. He pressed his lips against Sirius' neck and slipped his hand up Sirius' shirt before he bit the Gryffindor.

Sirius gasped and tangled his hands in Severus' deceptively greasy hair.

Sirius pulled Severus' head back and brought his mouth down on Severus'. He bit the Slytherin's lip, causing him to cry out.

Severus pulled away from Sirius and looked at him oddly. "When did you start biting?" he asked.

Sirius smirked and raised his eyebrow. "You don't need to know," he said. He detangled himself from Severus and walked over to his bed. He sat down. "Give me a reason to leave you alone at school," he said.

Severus sighed. "You'll never change, will you?" he asked, leaning against the door. "You'll always be the same sadistic fuck you've always been."

"You can add masochistic to that too, you know," Sirius said.

Severus smirked. "Oh I know," he said, walking over to the Gryffindor. He unbuttoned Sirius' shirt and ran a finger over a small scar just above his hip. "I gave you this one, remember?" he asked. "That first time…."

Sirius chuckled. "More than just that one," he said.

"You've given me a fair share," Severus said softly, running his fingers through Sirius' long hair. "Can we not mention school or the way you treat me for one whole night?" he asked. "Just one?'

Sirius sighed and lay back on Severus' bed. "As you wish," he sighed.

"If it were as I wished, you would leave Potter and the rest of the Gryffindors behind and come back to where you really belong," Severus said. He sat on the other man's legs. "Will you ever come back to me?"

Sirius chuckled. "I don't know," he said softly.

"Then give me one last night."

"_I love you…."_

_James' face swam before Sirius' vision. "I love you," it said, over and over again._

_Soon Severus' face replaced James. "I love you," he said. Sirius reached out. "Don't go!" he pleaded. "Don't leave me alone!"_

_"I love you," Severus said again._

_"I love you!" Sirius yelled._

Sirius gasped as he opened his eyes. It was still dark; he was still in Severus' room. He was clutching Severus tightly to him. His vision blurred as he realized what was happening to him. As he realized what he would soon be forced to do to James.

"I love you," Severus whispered softly, brushing his fingertips against Sirius' arm.

Sirius kissed Severus on the side of his neck. "And I you," he said softly.

***

When the time came to return to Hogwarts, Sirius, Severus, and Regulus all passed through the barrier together. Sirius quickly spotted James and Remus in the crowd. He turned to look back at Severus one last time before he reunited with the Gryffindors.

"How was your summer?" James asked, wrapping his arm around Sirius' waist. Sirius pulled out of the Chaser's grasp and smiled.

"It was alright," he said. "Could have been better."

James' eyebrows furrowed, not understanding Sirius' behavior.

"Are you all right?" James asked as the three of them boarded the Hogwarts Express. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Sirius answered. "I'm fine."

The three of them entered an empty compartment.

"What's wrong?" James asked again.

"How many times do I have to tell you that nothing is wrong?" Sirius demanded harshly.

"You know," Remus said, clearly uncomfortable. "I just remembered, I have to go do Prefect stuff," he said.

"As many as it takes before you start behaving normally again," James said, ignoring Remus.

Sirius growled in his throat. "Nothing is wrong," he said matter-of-factly. "Except for this, of course. You're the one who needs to give the answers, James. Why are you freaking out on me like this?"

"I haven't heard from you all summer and when I do finally see you, you pull away from me!" he said. "There's something you're not telling me!"

"You're damn right there's something I'm not telling you!" Sirius yelled. "There's a million things I haven't told you!"

"Tell me," James said softly, throwing Sirius off. He had expected more yelling.

"No," Sirius answered just as softly as James. "Not now, not ever."

"Why can't you tell me?" James asked. "I thought we were closer than that."

Sirius nodded. "We are," he said. "That's why I can't tell you."

"Well, if you can't tell me…"

"We're breaking up, aren't we?" Sirius asked softly, sitting down as the train began to move.

James nodded as he sat down across from Sirius. "I need you to trust me enough to tell me," he said.

"Am I losing you?" Sirius asked.

James shook his head. "We made a promise, remember?" he asked. "No matter what we're always friends."

Sirius nodded. "No matter what," he said softly.

***

"_When are you going to admit who you really are?"_

Sirius shivered, his gaze on Severus. Those words haunted him every day. He knew Severus was right, he didn't _really_ belong in Gryffindor, he wasn't the right stuff. He was more Slytherin than Gryffindor any day—even the Sorting Hat knew that.

He forced himself to turn his attention to Professor McGonagall and wondered if the professor would be proud that her sixth year boys had taught themselves how to become Animagi or if she would be outraged as it was both illegal and dangerous.

But his attention didn't stay on the professor for long. Soon, his gaze returned to Severus and his thoughts drifted back to the summer. So far he had held true to his silent promise to do the best he could and ignore the Slytherin, but it was proving difficult. James was constantly bullying him and always expected Sirius to join in. Sirius had so far managed to stay out as much as possible and when he did get involved, he cast minor spells that didn't do nearly as much damage (both physical and mental) as what he used to do. He wondered if anyone noticed the change but refused to dwell on it.

***

When he went home for the winter holidays, his parents' worst fear had been confirmed. Regulus hadn't been lying when he had said that Sirius and Severus were constantly fucking every time they saw each other.

The Snape family had journeyed to the Black family house for the holiday. Sirius and Severus had been talking in his room before things had gotten heated between the two of them and, just as the two were in a _very_ compromising position (and naked, of course) the door opened and their mothers stood, horrified. Both sets of parents were extraordinarily homophobic and were counting on their sons to carry on the family.

Sirius had run away that night after the Snapes returned to their home. Sirius was sure Severus would be lucky to make it out in one piece.

Sirius had run to James, not knowing of anywhere else he could turn to for support.

"What happened?" James asked as the two of them readied themselves for bed.

Sirius shook his head. "I ran away," he said simply. "Does it really matter why?"

James sighed. "Does this have anything to do with you and Severus?" he asked.

Sirius froze. "What did you say?" he asked.

"I know," he said. "I know what happened over the summer and I know you have feelings for him," he said. "Is that what happened?" he asked. "Did your parents find out you were gay?"

"They know I'm gay now," he said, "but it has nothing to do with Severus."

James chuckled. "But hasn't Regulus been telling them that you're gay for years?" he asked, choosing to ignore Sirius' lie.

"Yeah, but they didn't believe it before now."

"You and Severus?"

"Get off it!" Sirius cried. "I've told you a hundred times that that's in the past!"

James sighed and went to his desk. He opened the center drawer and pulled out an envelope. "If it's in the past, why would Severus write me this?" he asked.

Confused, Sirius took the letter from James and read.

_Potter,_

_I know we're definitely not the best of friends but I thought I would warn you before Sirius shows up at your door like I know he's going to._

_Sirius has told me that you know that we did things in the past, but I doubt that you really know how far we went or what we meant to each other. I know you love him and believe me I can sympathize._

_I think the time has come for you to learn the truth, Potter. Sirius wasn't just some fling for me, nor was what we had just exploration._

_When he shows, he won't tell you what happened so I will. Our mothers walked in on us. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what we were doing. His mother and father are bound to kick him out, assuming he doesn't run first. If I know him as much as I think I do, he'll turn to you._

_I'm sorry to be the barer of bad news, but I felt that you should know._

_Severus Snape_

Sirius stared at the parchment in shock. "I'm going to fucking kill him," he said under his breath.

"Why?" James asked. "So far he's the only one who's been honest."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked, looking up at James at last.

"You weren't the only one having fun over the summer," James confessed. "I met up with Lily."

Sirius chuckled. "I knew we were doomed," he said softly. "Severus told me he was going to break us up for what we did to him just after O.W.L.s and I told him not to bother. So are you and she…"

"Dating?" James asked, sitting down on his bed. Sirius sat down on the cot that had been set up for him to sleep on. "No," he confessed. "She still won't agree to date me. Says I need to be less rude and arrogant. Also says that I need to leave Severus alone."

"You should," Sirius said. "He really hasn't done anything to deserve what we put him through."

"Why do you do it then?" James asked. "Why do you still bully him?"

"Because you and the rest of the fucking school expect me to," Sirius confessed. "And Sev knows that I don't mean anything by it."

"Sev?" James asked. "In less than two hours you've gone from calling him Snivellus in front of me to calling him Sev? What's going on between you two?"

"If I told you, you have to swear you won't freak out or tell Moony and Wormtail."

"I swear."

"I love him."

James' eyebrows rose to his hairline in shock.

"I don't know how I let it get that far," Sirius said softly. "I don't know why it even started. It was supposed to be a one night stand, you know?" he asked. "But one night turned into two and two turned into a summer and that summer led to another one and now this…"

"Was there any truth behind the childhood story?" James asked.

"Oh, yeah," Sirius said. "All of that was true. Severus was almost family before we started school and I became a Gryffindor. He was the first person I told that I was gay. He was the first person ever to see me naked. He's the only one who knows how to really make me lose myself so completely that I don't care about anything anymore. He's my first kiss, he's the first one I've ever known to love the same things that I love or feel the same about his family as I do." Sirius chuckled. "When we were younger, we used to play Hide-and-Seek with Regulus and we'd leave him and go to the pond at his manor…."

"Sounds like you really care about him," James said softly. "Makes me wonder…"

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Did you ever care about me?"

Sirius stared at James in shock. "Of course I care about you!" he cried. "Why would you doubt that?"

James smiled sadly. "Do you remember when I told you I loved you?" he asked. Sirius nodded. The memory had yet to fade from his mind. "Do you have any idea what look crossed your face when I said it?"

Sirius nodded. "Yes I do," he said. James looked surprised. "Shall I explain?"

James nodded. "Please?" he asked.

Sirius heaved a heavy sigh. "Sev told me he loved me. Said it four or five times a week that summer. All I could think about when he was saying it was that I hated him—I didn't know it was just a front at school; I really thought I hated him. When you said it, it reminded me of what I did to Sev, and I didn't want to end up hating you. We had agreed not to love, remember?" he asked. James nodded. "You scared me."

"I hadn't wanted to say it, you know," James said softly. "I was going to keep it to myself forever because of the way I felt about Lily and the fact that a part of me knew I wouldn't be with you forever. Every time I saw you look at Severus, the same look crossed your face. It was a mix between lust, loathing, and love. I didn't know what to do. That night…"

"You don't need to explain," Sirius said, interrupting James before he could finish. "I understand, honestly. It's not your fault; it's mine. I'm the one who's so fucked up in the head he doesn't know what to do when he's faced with love."

"What do you mean?"

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "Nevermind," he said. "Forget I said anything."

***

Sirius spent more time with Severus in the months after finally telling James the truth. He found that he wasn't mad at Severus at all for the letter he had written—unlike he thought he would be. Instead he thanked him and said that it was the reason he would be able to slip away more. James consented to cover for him, understanding that Sirius needed to keep his feelings for the Slytherin in the dark when it came to everyone around them.

But he refused to see Severus on a full moon. Something Severus was very quick to catch.

"Why?" he demanded, the night of the April full moon. "Why can't I see you tonight?"

"I'm busy, Sev," Sirius said. "I can't do it tonight."

"Are you a werewolf?"

"What?" Sirius cried. "No! What makes you think that?"

"The only night you refuse to see me is the night of the full moon, did you know that?" he asked. "Why?"

Sirius sighed. "I can't tell you," he said. "If I could, I would."

"No you wouldn't," Severus said, knowing Sirius too well for the Gryffindor to lie. "Who's the werewolf?" he asked. "It's Lupin, isn't it?" he asked. "I knew it."

"Severus, what are you thinking?"

"I have to know for sure. Tell me."

"No," Sirius said with a hint of finality in his voice. "And don't follow us either."

"Follow you?"

Sirius swore. "Forget I said that," he ordered. "Severus, please, just forget about Remus and lycanthropy and everything else that's going through your head right now."

"Tell me."

"No," Sirius said, hoping that Severus would take that as the answer to his question. "Now I have to go."

***

"What's wrong, Pads?" James asked.

Sirius shook his head. He wasn't talking about Severus in front of Peter. "I don't think we should go tonight," he said softly. "Not this time."

"Pete," James asked, "would you mind excusing us for a moment?" James asked. Peter shrugged and walked out of the dormitory. "What happened?" he asked once the door had shut.

"Severus suspects Remus is a werewolf," Sirius answered. "If we go, I think he'll follow us."

"Remus is expecting us."

"Remus knows that there are times when we won't be able to escape the tower, James," Sirius reminded him. "Think for a second, James. If I honestly thought we could get away with it tonight without the risk of someone outside of us four getting hurt, don't you think I'd take it?" he asked. "I'm the crazy one out of the four of us, remember?"

Severus had been walking in the halls when he saw the nurse escorting Lupin out of the castle. Knowing his curiosity would most likely get him killed one day but taking a page out of Sirius' book and not caring, he followed.

He watched as the nurse prodded a tree root with a sharp pointy stick when they reached the Whomping Willow. Severus watched in fascination as the tree froze and Lupin crawled through a gap in the roots.

He hid in the shadows of the forest as Pomfrey made her way back to the school without Lupin. Curious to know just what was going on, Severus snuck over to the tree and picked up the stick Pomfrey had used.

The tree began to attack him. He couldn't get close enough to the roots.

Suddenly he was being pulled off his feet.

"Are you INSANE?" Potter demanded. "You could have been KILLED!" he shouted. "What were you _thinking?"_

"I had to know," Severus said.

"Merlin, Sirius really is insane for loving you," Potter said breathlessly. "Do you realize what's at the other end of that tunnel?" he asked. "That's a werewolf, and that werewolf will have no second thoughts about ripping you to shreds. Besides, Sirius would _kill_ every single person who stood in his way if anything happened to you."

"Right," Severus said, pulling himself to his feet. "Like he would ever go out of his way for me," he said.

James punched him. "You don't deserve him," he said.

"You're just jealous."

"No, not really," he answered. "I had my chance with him and we both blew it. You're the one who doesn't know what he's got while he's got it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means that Sirius is up in our dormitory freaking out because he thinks you're doing exactly what you were trying to do. That means that he cares enough about you to forsake his one night a month where he has absolutely no cares in the world. That means he fucking loves you and by not heading his warning, you repay him by trying to get yourself killed, that's what it means. Now why don't you try being a nice little Slytherin and go fuck someone else over, because if Dumbledore ever finds out about this, the five of us are fucked."

"Five?"

"You, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I. You because you're here, me and Peter because we know and Sirius because he probably slipped and said something that he shouldn't have. Any more questions?"

"Why did you save my life?"

"Because Sirius loves you," James said, walking away.

"Sirius?" James said walking into the dormitory. He had left without a word fifteen minutes earlier and Sirius had begun to wander if he had decided to go with Moony just for the hell of it and not take in Sirius' feelings.

"What?" Sirius asked, slightly relieved that Prongs hadn't done what he had feared.

"Cover your ears, Pete," he advised. Peter shook his head and went into the bathroom.

"What is it?" Sirius asked as soon as the door was shut.

"Severus," James said. "You were right. He tried to go to the shack."

"How do you know?" Sirius asked, suddenly scared. "What happened? Is he alright?"

James nodded. "He's fine," he said. "After what you said, I thought I'd keep an eye on the map, you know, just in case. I watched Pomfrey and Moony but then noticed that they were being followed by your favorite Slytherin. I caught him just as he nearly got his head taken off by that stupid tree."

"Where is he?" Sirius asked, his voice rough and cracking.

"Check the map," James said with a shrug.

Sirius walked over to James' desk and picked up the map. Severus was still by the tree.

Sirius was gone a second later.

"What were you thinking?" he asked softly, seeing Severus sitting against a tree that formed part of the forest border.

Severus looked up at him, the full moon reflected perfectly in his onyx eyes. "I wasn't," he said softly. "And, as Potter so eloquently pointed out, if anyone finds out, we'll all be lucky if we don't get expelled."

Sirius nodded. "Let me take the blame," Sirius said softly. Severus looked up at him confused.

"What?" he asked.

"If anyone finds out, let me take the blame," he repeated. "We'll say that I played a prank on you or something. And James found out at the last second."

"Why?" Severus asked.

"Because you've got a future to look forward to," Sirius said. "Look at you! You're a bloody genius! Stick you in front of a cauldron and ingredients and you could come up with anything! I'm not about to let you jeopardize that talent for some stupid stunt you pulled by not thinking! Let me take the blame."

Severus shook his head. "Fine," he said softly. "But if I don't succeed in potions or anything else for that matter and you wind up in Azkaban, I'm bailing you out by telling the truth."

Sirius chuckled. "I doubt I'll go to Azkaban," he said softly.

"You never know," Severus said. Sirius could hear the smirk. "You get expelled and you'll be forced to go home. You go home you may end up killing your family before they kill you. That's a one-way trip to Azkaban," he said.

Sirius walked closer to Severus and pulled him up from the ground. He wrapped his arms around the Slytherin and sighed. "When James told me you were out here I thought I'd lost you," Sirius confessed. "Don't scare me like that again, please."

Severus chuckled. "Are you saying that the Great Sirius Black gets scared?" he asked.

Sirius replied by kissing his boyfriend.

The wolf's howl alerted them to the fact that they were still outside.

A week later Dumbledore called Sirius, Severus, and James to his office. He told them that he knew that someone had tried to slip passed the Whomping Willow and that all of the three were involved. Sirius quickly informed Dumbledore that he had set up a prank and was extremely sorry that Severus had been nearly beheaded by the tree. James, having been told what was going to happen should they be found out, explained that he had heard about the prank at the last minute and rushed to Severus' aid just in time. Severus confirmed everything when Dumbledore asked him to verify the facts. Sirius was put on academic probation for five months. He would not be allowed back onto the property during that time.

He went out and rented a flat in London, not too far from Diagon Alley. Severus came to him during the summer break.

"I am _so_ sorry," he said the second he walked through the door. Sirius took one look at the Slytherin's trunk and knew that he had come straight from King's Cross.

"What for?" Sirius asked. "I'm not."

"I'm listening next time," he said.

"There's going to be a next time?" Sirius asked. "If there's a next time—"

"Marry me."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Severus…."

"Don't look at me like that," the Slytherin ordered. "I've given it a lot of thought and I really want you to consider it. You're the one I want to be with the rest of my life, and I don't want to risk losing you again. Marry me."

Sirius nodded. "Alright," he said.

Severus smiled and pulled his family ring off of his finger. "This'll have to do for now," he said. "Here."

"That's romantic," Sirius scoffed, placing the ring on his finger.

***

Severus sighed as he looked up at Sirius with tears in his eyes. "I had no choice, remember this," he said softly. "Please, remember this."

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked. He was just coming back from his five-month probation for the Whomping Willow incident and was confused at what Severus was trying to say.

"You know my parents are supporters of the Dark Lord," he said softly. "And that my father's a Death Eater, right?" he asked. Sirius nodded, slowly realizing where the conversation was going.

"They branded me yesterday," Severus said, pulling up the sleeve of his left arm. "I'm so sorry," he said.

Sirius felt his own tears form. "You…you know what this means, don't you?" he asked.

Severus nodded. "I still love you though," he said softly.

Sirius sighed and placed the ring Severus had given him the month before on the table in front of him. "Don't say that," he ordered hoarsely. He walked out of the room, leaving his love behind. Becoming a Death Eater…it was the one and only thing that would tear him away from Severus. He would be in no way associated with a Death Eater, even if said Death Eater didn't want to be one.

Severus picked up the ring left behind and slipped it back on his finger. Now that he had nothing to fight for, he was ready to give in and become that which he hated most.

The loss of Severus didn't fully affect Sirius until James and Lily announced to the entire Gryffindor common room that they were getting married. Sirius looked down at his hand where Severus' ring had once been and felt a not-so-familiar ache in his chest. He wanted Severus back, but knew that as long as he was a Death Eater there could be nothing between them. He knew that his values and the trust of his friends were far more important to him than the thought of being associated with a Death Eater. So far, no one knew of the breakup, not that any had even known about the relationship itself in the first place.

"Alright," James said that night, after the party had ended and the other two Marauders had gone to sleep. "What's going on?"

"What makes you think anything is going on?" he asked.

"Because you're usually the life of the party, even when the party is for someone else. What happened?"

Sirius sighed heavily. "You have to promise me that you won't turn him in," Sirius said.

"Why?" James asked. "What happened?"

"Severus is a Death Eater."

James' face paled. "You're kidding," he said. "You have to be kidding."

Sirius shook his head sadly. "Unfortunately, I'm not," he said "I found out a month ago."

"Are you still with him?"

Sirius shook his head. "I ended it the second he told me. You know how I feel about Death Eaters and You Know Who."

"Does he?" James asked. "I mean, did he become a Death Eater for you or something?"

"He didn't have a choice," Sirius said softly. "His parents are very strong supporters. His dad's a Death Eater himself. My parents support but refuse to join. Severus' father forced him to become a Death Eater. My guess is that it was to keep him away from me. They don't much approve of us. Either as a couple or separate because of what we are."

"Merlin, Sirius, I'm so sorry. If I'd known, we would never have made that announcement."

Sirius shook his head. "Don't worry about it," he said.

Remus stuck his head out from behind the curtains. "Let me get this straight," he said. _"You_ were dating _Snape?"_ he asked.

Sirius, too depressed to be shocked, nodded. "That I was," he said.

Remus made a face of disgust. "But he's…."

"I can personally attest to the fact that his hair is not greasy, nor is any other part of his body," Sirius said. "He's not nearly as disgusting as everyone thinks he is. He's brilliant, talented, fascinating, and a million other things I can't possibly begin to name. I wasn't just dating him, Moony, I was ready to marry him. Ring on my finger and everything…."

Remus sighed. "Sorry it ended then," he said softly. "I wish you would have trusted Pete and I enough to let us know."

***

Three years later the worst happened. Lily and James were dead, Harry was living with Muggles, Peter was on the run, and Sirius found himself locked up in Azkaban for being the very thing he hated above all else.

He heard that Severus had avoided capture because Dumbledore had spoken for him.

Twelve years later, he escaped, only to learn that Severus hated him more than anything else in the world.

The next year, they were told to put aside their differences because they were both on the same side.

Once Sirius had left Harry's side, he went straight to Severus.

"I have nothing to say to you, Black," the other man had spat.

"Yes you bloody do," Sirius had nearly yelled. "Why the _hell_ do you hate me so much now?"

"I never loved you."

"Bullshit!" Sirius growled. "Bull-fucking-shit."

"So what if I did?" Severus hissed. "Things change, Black, people become Death Eaters and their lovers leave them for it. You have no idea what it was like for me after you left, how can you come back here and pretend that everything is fine? Everything is _not_ fine! You left me all alone in a world where every goddamn person hated my guts and wanted me dead. I would have never told you what I was if I thought I could hide it from you, but you knew me too well. I wouldn't have ever been able to hide anything from you."

"I love you."

Severus froze. "What?" he asked. Not once, in all of their years, did Sirius say those three words. Not once…until now.

"I've loved you my whole life," Sirius confessed. "Every second of every day for the last Merlin-knows-how-many years. You are the one man who was able to open my eyes to new things. You are the one man I would put all others against, not that there are any. I've got eyes only for you. You never really cared about that though," he said softly. "All you wanted was the sex."

"That's not true," Severus protested. "Would I have asked you to marry me if I were in it just for the goddamn sex?"

"How should I know?" Sirius demanded. "You're the one who asked me!"

Severus suddenly had Sirius locked in a kiss. Sirius was, at first, too shocked to do anything but stand there stupidly. He soon calmed down and gladly accepted the kiss that was being shared.

They were very lucky they were already in Severus' room.

A year later Sirius died and Severus fell back into his Death Eater façade. The difference was that this time there was no faking what he was doing. He was now loyal to Voldemort because he had nothing to keep him from being so. He knew very well that Sirius would do more than frown upon Severus' actions (Severus knew Sirius would kill him if he were alive and able to do so) but he didn't care. The man had died and left him alone with those who hated him and wanted him dead.

He died soon after killing Dumbledore a year later.


End file.
